Friday, May 26, 2006

Confessions

I blame Fits and Tammiodo:
  1. I profess to hate TV, but secretly watch Law & Order and Scrubs.
  2. I have struggled with depression for ages. I've never taken meds, although I have possibly needed to at several times in my life. I was seeing a shrink (a cognitive therapist) for a while, which has helped and I haven't been mind-numbingly depressed for a long time.
  3. I play on the fact that I have most of an Arts degree in Philosophy because it makes me seem deep and arty and intellectual. And a wanker.
  4. I have substituted an excellent memory, expansive vocabulary and excessively intricate grammar for actual intelligence.
  5. I really want a girlfriend. I mean, maybe. I don't know. My friend says I am really bad at being single, which I must admit worries me a little. One should be able to be alone. And I can be, I really quite enjoy hanging out with myself, reading, writing, playing music, all that stuff.
  6. And actually, to be brutally honest, at this stage some regular sex would be fucking awesome. Pardon the pun.
  7. Pursuant to 6. I can't have sex with someone without getting emotionally involved, at least a little. For this reason, I've never had a one-night stand in the pick-up complete random person sense.
  8. I have been drinking way too much.
  9. Some of my friends drive me mental because they are so coupley and stay at home. But I love them to death. I think I might just be a bit jealous.
  10. My best friends may be moving back to Brisbane and I have secretly contemplated sabotaging their plans. Somehow. I haven't thought about it enough to have a plan.
  11. I like my online persona. In some ways, it doesn't seem like me. I mean, it is. I don't lie. But I think I am much more amusing when I get to carefully craft my comments and posts. In the RealLife, I am a bit of a dork.
  12. I am a hopeless romantic. I have been caught up in whirlwind romances several times and then freaked out by how fast things were moving and run away as fast as I could.
  13. I haven't done any work in ages. I mean, enough to get by, but I have been lacking enthusiasm for a while. But I am working on it. I would much rather read and write though.
  14. I really really really like Star Trek: The Next Generation. Other flavours of Star Trek, not so much. But Jean-Luc! And Data!
That's enough. I get all weird talking about sex and relationships in my blog. I mean Angst is one thing, but actual talking about myself and how I feel without some wordy pretention attached to it is a bit intense.

8 comments:

Tammiodo said...

TOBYtoby, i'm beginning to think you might just be the boy version of me.

mskp said...

gosh, tobytoby, that's quite an arsenal of angst. i shuddered a few times, mostly due to the sharp pain of recognition [that's the lump in the throat, the empathy is more like a tearing inside the stomach]. rather than reproduce a similar rap-sheet on my blog, i'll just say i can relate to 2,3,4,6,9,11,12,and 13. the major differences are that I love television [but star trek and law & order irk me], I confine my drinking to occasional benders [sometimes “occasions” happen more regularly but I don’t drink every day], I’d rather have more single friends than be in a couple myself, and I’m in my sixth year as an arts student, having knocked off a couple of degrees and soon to have my last one [which makes no difference to my feeling that this makes me deep and arty and intellectual. And a wanker.] it’s funny how 2 and 6 are as hard as each other in totally different ways, and how 9 is still difficult even though I’m not interested in 5. there’s a definite advantage to talking about these things in numerical form! thanks, and thanks for telling us how things are in tobytobyworld.

_nothing_ said...

Haha Tam. I thought that while reading your confessions.

I don't actually feel much angst about any of that stuff. At least, that's not the intent. Just data. Facts.

I feel very understood though :)

katehopeeden said...

And actually, to be brutally honest, at this stage some regular sex would be fucking awesome. Pardon the pun.
"this stage" I think lasts a long time because I have, for awhile now, wanted nothing more than just some regular sex with a side of an occasional movie.
~K

dell said...

now you've prompted one from me...

i only ever want a boyfriend that will take me camping and to nice holidayhouses where we can have regular sex.

my everday life tends to be much more fun without them...

i realise this is not really viable for long... ah well...

_nothing_ said...

This is conundrum really ... how do you keep your fantastic single adventuring but still have camping trips and sex?

If I knew the answer to that one ...

mskp said...

i need to confess that i just watched a shannon noll video clip and i think he's pretty hot.

Anonymous said...

tt,

i am exactly like you, except without the programming jones and i have a bigger mouth. i'm also a savagely explosive guitarist.

we should go out on the tear one night.

like your words.

r