I totally got up on the wrong side of the bed

I totally got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, which is difficult because it's against the wall. Suffice to say I am very surly and hate my job and wish I had skills in areas other than software that would result in me continuing to be reasonably well paid.* And also, chicks dig skills.**

Only the thought of obtaining a giant prosethetic robot to carry me around in a style to which I would quickly become accustomed is keeping me going this morning:

Fig 1: Giant Prosthetic Robot with Curiously Androgynous Pilot

* I have a house, and food, and boxes of wine in plenty. This is different to when I was a student (and later a lecturer) when I was less well paid and had only a house and the occasional box of wine.
** "You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills ... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." Ooh, I have computer hacking skills. Sweet! Things aren't all bad.***
*** To be honest, girls don't appear to be that into computer hacking. But if you find the following arousing, drop me a line:

  global $traceData;
  $template = $this;
  if (is_file($filename)) {
      ob_start();
      include $filename;
      $contents = ob_get_contents();
      ob_end_clean();
      return $contents;
  }
  return false;